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Peter (after Lois tells him he's childish): "If I'm a child that means you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if Iím going stand here and take this from a pervert."
 

Peter: Sometimes it's appropriate to swear
(Peter is in court)
Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you god?
Peter: I do........You b*st*rd

 

Glen Quagmire: Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time.

 

Diane Simmons: Tom, I'm getting late word that you're a petty, jealous closet-case.
Tom Tucker: Bit of breaking news, we now go live to Diane being a b***h. Diane.

 

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 family guy quotes 1

Chris: Dad, what's the blow-hole for?
Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for, son. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.

Quagmire (with a trashy girl on his arm): Hang around little guy, I'll be back later (he winks).
Stewie: Oh very well. I suppose I'll go and pump the chemical toilet. (Eyes the trashy girl.) apparently, you're about to do the same.
 

Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.

 

Stewie: I bet you lost your virginity to a mechanical bull.

 

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